Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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