I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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