There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just want to make out with him forever
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
