it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
