lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dignity is for republicans.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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