im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
