I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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