I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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