i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
