Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
