I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
