I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
