Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
