I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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