You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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