Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
