i think my mom watched the whole time
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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