O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
