...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
