WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
