Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
