Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
