the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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