If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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