I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
