i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
