I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
