i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
