And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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