you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
