drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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