whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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