so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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