strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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