Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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