Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
