You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
