OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
