i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
