I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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