I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
