but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
