Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
