Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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