I puked a lego.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
