she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
