i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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