maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
