I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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