3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
