I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
